Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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