things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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