she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
