Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
