I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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