You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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