the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
