no one should ever give us hovercrafts
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
