dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
