OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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