Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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