WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
