in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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