I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
