At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
soo... how was my night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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