Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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