dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
