i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
