Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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