When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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