My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
