he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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