woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
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I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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