I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
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