Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
sarcasm needs its own font
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize