I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
