I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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