oh god the rape fog is back!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
