I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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