I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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