that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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