I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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