now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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