I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This house was built for laser tag.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
