Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
