im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize