Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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