i permit you to call me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize