We're facebook friends in real life
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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