shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This toilet bowl is my home.
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