I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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