Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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