ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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