yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
