I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
