I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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