The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
