When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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