TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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