Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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