i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
