Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
