I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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