I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
