so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
