I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
