i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
