i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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