Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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