Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
