who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
