Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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