Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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